Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
