I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
