My hand turned me down
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize