imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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