I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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