stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think my moral compass just broke
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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