We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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