The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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