Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
