evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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