What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
