don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize