My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
