It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
