Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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