Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
