maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
