I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
