dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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