Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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