Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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