Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
