im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
