I accidentally had phone sex last night
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
