Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
