he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
