Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
