I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
