Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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