I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
