I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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