i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
