i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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