The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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