I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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