guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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