you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
