You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
