sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
