if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
