hotel room ftw
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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