so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My feet surprised me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
