Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
