just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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