ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
