I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
