Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
do herpes really smell.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
