You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
