my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
