my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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