and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
