Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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