these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
