I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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