I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
