He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
