I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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