sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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