I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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