I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
