This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
