I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
