Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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