She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
