does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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