angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
