I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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