She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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