It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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